


You Can't Kinkshame a Five-Year-Old

by hybridempress



Category: 2P Hetalia - Fandom, Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Gen, Innuendo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-11
Updated: 2016-05-11
Packaged: 2018-06-07 21:06:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6824170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hybridempress/pseuds/hybridempress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When you are a five-year-old left to your own devices, things can get pretty boring if you're on your own for a while. Still, when you're part of the Jones-Kirkland household, sometimes playing by yourself causes less trouble.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Can't Kinkshame a Five-Year-Old

**Author's Note:**

  * For [2p-eng](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=2p-eng).



You’d think that having a room full of complex Hot Wheels racetracks, dollhouses big enough for you to sit inside, and about a thousand various dolls, toy cars, and stuffed toys to go with them would be Heaven for a five-year-old. With a collection of toys like that, you’d never run out of ways to reinvent the tea party that Rosie the Rabbit had hosted just yesterday, or missions that Simon Crill and his fellow knock-off G.I. Joe action figures could complete, or matchbox cars to push through the double-A powered engine that would slingshot them through the racetrack over and over again. And yet, Reese lay on the floor in the middle of his tower of teddy bears because of one utterly defeating reason: He was bored. 

The thing is, when you’re a five-year-old, sometimes your own imagination is not enough to keep you occupied. Small children don’t often do well when left to their own devices because they become lonely, and when they become lonely they oftentimes become quite troublesome. Unfortunately, poor Reese was the youngest child in the Jones-Kirkland household, and his older siblings, Lavender and DJ, were much older than he was. This meant that poor Reese was left to his own devices far more often than he really would have liked.

Well, Reese wasn’t just going to lay here and do nothing all day. So what if everyone else in his family was much older than he was? Certainly that didn’t mean that they couldn’t have just as much fun playing with his toys as he did. All he would have to do is ask them to play with him, and surely they would say yes. 

With a hardened resolve to find someone who would play with him, Reese pushed himself into a sitting position and then quickly stood up, almost tripping over one of the Beanie Babies that had been beside him. He bounded out of the playroom as quickly as his short little legs could carry him, but stopped short in the hallway when he realized he hadn’t yet decided who to approach first about his predicament. Eventually, he decided that Daddy would be the best option. He was always the least busy around here, or so it seemed to Reese, at least. 

With a target in mind, Reese continued his walk down the hallway, and eventually down the stairs, to check the kitchen first and foremost for his father. That was where Daddy spent the most time, so it only made sense to check there first. And, to no surprise, Reese could hear Oliver humming from the kitchen as soon as he had made it down the stairs. 

“Daddy!!” Reese called out, picking up his pace until he was standing in the entrance of the kitchen. “Daddy, Daddy!!” he persisted, stepping closer to his father, who was in the process of making some sort of meal. Reese really wasn’t quite sure what it was, though it smelled nice, but that didn’t matter. Surely Oliver could take a break from what he was doing to play with Reese for a little while. Or forever. 

Oliver smiled and looked down at Reese as the child approached his legs, and started tugging at his shirt. “What is it, sweetheart?” he asked, backing away from the counter a little.

“I’m bored. Come play with me. Please?” Reese asked, looking up at his father with pleading eyes.

Oliver smiled at him softly, and reached down to ruffle his hair. “In a moment, love. I have to put this in the oven before I come play with you. Why don’t you ask someone else in the meantime? I promise I’ll come play with you as soon as I’m finished,” Oliver told him.

While Reese was unhappy with the fact that he was not immediately getting what he wanted, he figured that it shouldn’t take too long for Daddy to put whatever it was that he was making into the oven, so, he gave in. “Okay,” he murmured, letting go of Oliver’s shirt and walking out of the kitchen, all the while trying to decide who he would ask to play with him next. 

In the end he decided that Lavender would be the next easiest to convince to join him. After all, he really felt like playing with his dolls right now, and a good number of them had been Lavender’s when she was his age. Surely she would enjoy playing with them again now. He’d let her pick out her favorites.

And if Lavender wasn’t in the living room (which she hadn’t been, as far as Reese knew, when he had passed it on the way to the kitchen), then she was most likely in her own room. Why she and DJ liked to spend copious amounts of time alone in their own small bedrooms was beyond Reese’s comprehension. He felt that he may never understand it as long as he lived. But it didn’t really matter, so long as he could coax at least one of them into the playroom with him.

Of course, Reese had been taught to always knock before entering anyone else’s room. So, as he approached the door that led into Lavender’s room, he extended a tiny fist outwards until he could reach it, and pound on it softly three times. He waited with his fist still pressed against the door until he received an answer from the other side.

“Yeah, what is it?” Lavender called.

“Lav! Come play with me!” Reese called back.

“Uhh… Can it wait a second?” Lavender asked.

“No!! I’m bored!! Come play with me and Daddy!!” Reese answered, pulling his fist away from the door and crossing his arms, pouting, though his sister couldn’t see it. 

Lavender sighed loudly enough for Reese to be able to hear it from outside. “‘Mkay, fine, go wait for me in the playroom. I’ll be right there,” she grumbled.

Reese smiled at his sister’s answer, and though she hadn’t come out to play with him right away, he was satisfied with her promise. He supposed he could wait a little while longer. He still had to convince DJ and Dad to come play with him, too.

Speaking of DJ, the older boy’s room was down the hall from Lavender’s. Reese toddled down the hall and stopped in front of DJ’s door, once again extending a tiny fist to pound on the door three times. He waited a while, but didn’t get an answer. He knocked again, about five knocks this time, and waited, but still there was nothing. Eventually losing his patience, Reese decided to forgo the manners of knocking and waiting, and just opened the door to DJ’s room and stepped inside.

Instinctively, DJ swiveled in his office chair upon noticing his door open in the corner of his eye. He turned away from his desk and looked towards the intruder who had entered his bedroom. Upon seeing Reese, he squinted at the younger boy and pulled his headphones down so that he could actually hear and converse with his brother.

“What’re you doing here, dude?”

“Come play with me,” Reese said plainly.

“No way man, I’m busy right now. Can’t Lav play with you?” DJ asked, furrowing his brows a little.

“Lav is playing with me. So is Daddy. Now you and Dad have to come play, too,” Reese urged. 

“Ah, come on, Reese, I don’t wanna right now,” DJ protested.

Reese pouted again. “Please, DJ? Just for a little bit? Please?” 

DJ sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose before taking his headphones off of his neck and tossing them onto the desk. “You’re not gonna leave me alone until I say ‘yes’, are ya?” he asked, giving a side-eye to his little brother.

Reese grinned innocently, folding his hands together behind his back. “Nope.” 

DJ pushed his chair away from his desk and stood up. “Alright, fine. But I’m not playing until Dad agrees, too, so let’s go find him,” he said.

“Yeah!!” Reese shouted, his smile growing bigger as he darted out of DJ’s room and into the hall again.

DJ followed Reese quickly, and upon catching up with him, picked Reese up and threw the boy over his shoulder, laughing at the surprised squeal that came from his brother’s mouth. DJ kept a tight grip around Reese’s waist and carried him down the hall, trying to think of where to look first to find their dad. After Reese’s giggles had died down a little, DJ decided to ask him where they should look.

“So, where to, squirt?” he asked.

“I think Dad is in the garage or something,” Reese told him.

“Well, to the garage it is, then,” DJ said, and began carrying Reese off in that direction.

Sure enough, upon opening the door to the garage, DJ and Reese found Allan inside, rummaging through some boxes for who-knew-what. When Allan heard the door open, he looked up, and smiled when he saw his sons standing in the doorway. “What’s up, kiddos?” he asked.

“Dad Reese is making me play Barbies with him so you have to come with us,” DJ answered. 

“What, right now?” Allan asked.

“Ya,” DJ replied.

Allan shrugged and stood up straight, backing away from the box that he had just been digging through. “Well, if you say so,” he said, and walked over to the boys.

While passing DJ, Allan grabbed Reese from him and hung Reese over his own shoulders instead. Except, instead of holding onto Reese by his waist, Allan opted to hold the boy by his legs, dangling him further down Allan’s back than DJ had let Reese dangle down his own. Once again, Reese shrieked in surprise and amusement, and kicked his legs a little as Allan walked into the house. 

By the time DJ and Allan made it back to the playroom with Reese, Lavender and Oliver were already waiting there. Allan pulled Reese back to his chest and let Reese drop slowly to the ground. Reese shrieked with laughter until he felt his feet touch the ground, at which point he pushed himself away from his dad and ended up falling on his butt after losing balance. Everyone around him snickered softly. 

“So, what’re we playing today, Reese?” Lavender asked as Reese pushed himself up and went to sit down between his sister and Oliver. 

“Uh… Let’s play Princesses!” Reese replied, grinning up at the rest of his family. 

“Sounds good to me,” Allan said, sitting down next to Oliver, “as long as I get to play with Snow White.”

“Of course!!” Reese exclaimed, and stood up again to dart around the room and collect all of the toys that he wanted his family to play with. 

Eventually Reese had created a pile of Disney Princess barbies and fairies from various Barbie-brand movies, along with all of his knock-off G.I Joes and plastic or stuffed dragon toys. Reese took Anna, Ariel, and Hans from the pile and held them proudly to his chest. Allan picked out a couple of dragon toys, Snow White, and Flynn Rider. Oliver took one dragon-- his very favorite dragon, which he always claimed for himself-- one of Reese’s Ken dolls, and Rapunzel. DJ took a couple of dragons, a smaller and more teenage-looking Barbie whose name was apparently Skipper, and a couple of the G.I. Joes. Most importantly the one that Reese had named Judo Jack, because he was the only one whose body was slim enough to get a Barbie dress onto and Reese had often taken advantage of that fact. Finally, Lavender picked Cinderella and her little mice friends, Gusgus and Jacque respectively. 

As soon as everyone had picked out their favorites, the action began. Their little game started out with Skipper asking all of the princesses to join her dragon-racing contest, but the situation took a dark turn when Hans not only stole Anna’s dragon, but kidnapped Anna, as well. When everyone else was wailing about how they would never be able to find Anna or her dragon, Oliver snatched up Kristoff and had him claim that he knew _exactly_ where Hans had taken them. 

At this point, Reese stood up from where he had previously been sitting and gathered Anna, Hans, Anna’s dragon, and a long, loose pink ribbon into his arms. He dashed from the circle that his family had made and were playing together in and dropped all of his things onto a small plastic chair across the room. He then pushed Hans off of the chair, grabbed the ribbon and Anna and the dragon, and began to tie Anna and the dragon to the chair. 

Allan looked over at Reese and raised an eyebrow, smiling very faintly. “What’re you doing over there, bud?” he asked.

“Tying Anna and her dragon up,” Reese replied casually.

“Why?” Allan persisted.

“She has to be tied up, so Kristoff can come save her! That’s just how it works, Dad!” Reese explained, as if it were the most _obvious_ answer in the world.

Allan chortled loudly, covering his mouth with his hand. “I’m kinkshaming,” he muttered. 

DJ turned to look at Allan, blinking with a blank expression on his face before narrowing his eyes at Allan. “Dad you can’t kinkshame a _five-year-old,_ he doesn’t even know what the fuck a kink _is!_ ” 

An audible gasp slipped from Oliver’s mouth as he stared at DJ and Allan with incredibly wide eyes. “Dylan Drake Jones-Kirkland! You scold your father for using innuendo in front of a five-year-old and yet you just swore aloud in front of him!? You know better than that!”

DJ shifted his gaze to Oliver and rubbed the back of his neck, suddenly feeling guilty. “Sorry…” he murmured. 

Oliver’s expression softened, and he hummed softly. “Apology accepted, just try and remember not to do it again,” he said gently. 

Allan snickered again, and smirked at DJ. “Besides, I can kinkshame whoever I want. I kinkshame myself all the time,” he said proudly. 

DJ rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, whatever,” he said, waving his hand dismissively and looking at Oliver again. “Come on, just hurry up and have Kristoff save Anna or whatever. It shouldn’t be that hard, seeing as how you have so much experience untying ropes off of people.”

Oliver’s face flushed bright red. “Dylan Drake J-”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” DJ shouted, raising his hands up in surrender. 

He and Allan exchanged a look.

Neither of them were actually sorry.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a gift for my friend Joe bc sometime this month is our one-year friendship anniversary. I don't know exactly when but I just know it's this month. So, here's to me and Joe and our OC kids and our favorite ship and our memes and our deep conversations and our meet-ups at movie theaters and our sons and our inside jokes and every AU we've ever discussed. One year ago you were the admin of my favorite blog and somebody that I never thought I could approach, and now you're one of my best friends in the whole world and sometimes I cry bc I love you a lot.
> 
> PS: Lavender was documenting this whole thing on Twitter and Instagram  
> PPS: Reese is growing slowly more and more impatient  
> PPPS: My and Joe's children have Evolved after this fic


End file.
